Gay marriage is not a big deal.

It’s hard not to become incensed when you read articles that directly disagree with your own stance. As much as I don’t feel that Miranda Devine’s column on the weekend was a particularly insightful piece, I’ve spent the last 24 hours convincing myself that she is entitled to her opinion.

I don’t agree though, and I want to make that so, so very clear.

Penny Wong announced last week that she, along with her partner, is to become a parent in December. Their press release was simple, and Penny herself did not make a big ‘to do’ about it all. Their private joy was shared ever so fleetlingly with us, and Penny, along with her partner Sophie, should be congratulated for their exciting news.

Does this stoke the fires of the gay marriage debate?

Only because those in opposition to gay marriage choose to let that be the case. I, for one, think gay marriage is NOT A BIG DEAL.

The only reason same sex marriage receives so much attention is because those in opposition to it are so vocal and uninhibited in expressing their opinions. Do I think you are a homophobe if you think those of the same sex should not be allowed to get married? Yes. Simply because you cannot see past gender and sexuality to recognise another human being’s right to publicly celebrate their love for someone else.

I’ve never personally given much thought to the idea of getting married. Perhaps some day I will want the opportunity to do so. Regardless of whether I have that intention, no one should be able to deny me that possibility.

Miranda, in her column about Penny and her expectant child, chooses to cite the recent London Riots as evidence of our collapsing morals and the results of a ‘fatherless society’. Such a reference is blatant sensationalism and shows a lack of true understanding into the root of the issue at hand. Shame on Miranda, for drawing such a long bow while arguing her position. Rather than giving weight to her opinions, it muddied her viewpoint, drawing attention to her clearly malevolent bias.

Our society suffers no risk in allowing homosexuals to marry or to become parents.

Allowing people the right to publicly recognise their love for another person can only ever be viewed as a joyous and exciting proposition. Allowing children the opportunity to be brought up in a household committed to providing them with a loving home can also only be a cause for celebration.

Yet again we are mired in the negative spin of those with an outdated moral code.

Gay marriage is not a big deal, and Australian polls show that the majority of our population agree with me. The sooner we recognise that all love is equal, and that marriage does not belong to the religious or ‘traditional’, the sooner we can be proud of our progressive, accepting nation.

Stop making it a big deal, Miranda. Stop trying to drag us down into a moral lockdown, religious zealots. Stop spreading a message of society in a downward spiral, homophobes. Let us move forward as a united, accepting force for beneficial change.

(nb – special thanks to Muzthekid for our chat on the train which led to this particular blogpost)

For a great post on Saturday’s Equal Love rally in Sydney, head over to StMurphy’s blog.

Gender Roles. Get Over It.

You know how you can tell a man is gay? He likes men.

Why do I make this bleeding obvious statement? I read an article recently on mamamia titled ’10 Ways to tell if the guy you like is gay’. The author had littered the piece with gay stereotypes and identified the piece as ‘tongue in cheek’, even going so far as to use his own sexuality as a justification for the humour. My instant reaction was anger, then disbelief, and then a resounding ‘Why is this newsworthy?’

Society throughout the ages has been trapped in a cycle of placing us all into little ‘niche’ boxes. Women take care of the home. Men are the hunter gatherers. Girls shouldn’t play sports. Boys shouldn’t be interested in fashion. Yadda yadda yadda. It’s time for a new tune people! I’m so increasingly bored with it all. Gender roles are passé. There, I said it. It is no longer cool to talk about what makes a boy a boy or what makes a girl a girl.

I’m of the personal belief that we spend far too much time trying to identify what makes each other tick, and how to reconcile what that means about that person. Truly, do you need to know why it is that someone prefers a particular piece of music? Does it matter who sleeps in whose bed?

Rather than focussing on a person’s true worth, whatever their achievements may be, we seem to only ever see what identifies them as a particular social entity. For example:  'Robert dresses so well, he must be a gay man'. All this achieves is endless social pigeonholing, rather than progressive social change.

I’m not here to debate whatever the reason might be for this circular ‘gender mapping’, nor am I interested in the scientific or moral explanations as to why we place such importance and have certain expectations from the male and females of the species. Quite frankly, that subject has been done to death without proper resolve. My answer is simple. Let it go. No one cares.

Let’s focus on the importance of how that person interacts with the people they choose to. Are they unkind, cruel and disingenuous? Or do they show empathy, kindness and honesty? Once we’ve established these markers as more important than gender stereotyping, I think we’ll have achieved a society we can actually be proud of.

Finally, then, we can all stop justifying the tiniest details of our lives to everyone we meet. Your music choices will remain simply that, the tunes you like to listen to. The clothes you wear will be indicative purely of your own fashion agenda. Your recreational activities will be whatever you choose to do in your spare time. What a relief that will be.

Just some fun

A little blog debate with my lovely friend Alex Carlton about the pros and cons of salacious sex memoirs.....

An anniversary worth celebrating.

Everyone who knows of me knows I’m a particularly chirpy little homo. I’ll laugh and play and throw glitter with the best of them, but every year around this time I feel a little maudlin. Let me tell you why that is.

I grew up in a family of fundamental Christians, Jehovah’s Witnesses, to be precise. We were a big, close family of 7, and our lives revolved around our devotion to preaching the word of our God, Jehovah. To say I had a difficult childhood would be unfair, as I don’t consider that to be the case. I was part of a loving family, and my parents were caring and attentive. We had a strong bond, and I would have considered each of my siblings to be the closest of friends.

Unfortunately for me, I no longer share my family’s belief in their God. We could sit here and argue about why that may be, though, as I’m sure you’ve guessed it, at the crux of the matter is my love for those of the same sex. What this means is that I have been excommunicated from their faith, and removed from their lives entirely. Come July 7, it will be 4 years to the day that I removed myself from the organization known as Jehovah’s Witnesses.

My first anniversary of leaving the church

So now we come to the real reason for this blog post. I wanted to share with you all how I feel about being the man I am today without my family’s support. You know how I feel? Truly happy.

Yes, it is true, I have not spoken to any of my family (bar the VERY occasional text from my father) for four years, and when I left the religion, I lost also the very core of my group of friends. While new converts are freely invited to join Jehovah’s Witnesses, once you are a baptised member of their religion, you cannot remove yourself without facing excommunication from the group as a whole. My family are forbidden to make contact, and   their devotion to their faith, while misguided, remains whole.

My brother's wedding. The last time I saw my family in 2007

At 27, that was a hard task. I started from scratch with the help of my beloved Mother Hen, a workmate of only 2 years acquaintance, who warmly accepted me into her family. I celebrated my very first Christmas with them in December 2007. Since then, they have been a wonderful support base, and Mother Hen has always been there when I’ve needed that motherly advice. Add to that the myriad of friends I’ve made in Sydney, a city I consider to be incredibly welcoming and warm. This new hometown has provided me with my new family, a family who accepts that I don’t intend to live my life restricted by doctrine I have no faith in.

Mother Hen and I

So, I guess what I’m truly saying is, It Gets Better. Now i’m not being glib here, it really, truly does. I was fortunate in that I found my way in a world that is so quick to judge anyone based on their race, sex or sexuality. Not everyone finds that peace, or is able to reach a point of happiness so quickly, or at all. Thousands of Australian youths suffer from depression that leads to suicide purely because they are lost in a world they believe will quickly condemn them. Statistics released in late 2009 by Suicide Prevention Australia show that the rate of suicide attempts by GLBT people is 3.5 to 14 times higher than for their heterosexual peers. This is a shocking statistic, and one that chills me to the bone, because that so easily could have been me or any number of my friends.

If you are a young, troubled GLBT teen, I want to tell you something from the bottom of my heart:

Seek out help. No one has the right to tell you that you are unworthy of love and attention. You are as deserving of love and support as your heterosexual peers. Should it be that even your family are willing to turn their back on you, do not despair that this means you will forever be without love. We are surrounded by like minded, loving souls who are more than happy to share their experiences with you and provide you with the love and support that you so desperately need.

There are many organisations specifically designed for this, and I link to just a few below.

http://www.comingout.com.au/

http://www.glccs.org.au/

http://www.pflagbrisbane.org.au/#

Don’t let anyone ever tell you that you are less important, less worthy than another family member, another person, simply because you do not share their personal ‘moral’ stance. Hopefully then you, like me, can find yourself finally happy with who you are and where you are going.

This post originally appeared as a guest post on my friend St Murphy's blog here.